Deference: A Form Of Mindfulness

Gestures of deference to others come in many forms, and in essence is a form of mindfulness. Mindfulness in that we pause and make a conscious choice to:

• foster an environment of mutual respect;
• feel and demonstrate empathy;
• create a space of acknowledgement and regard;
• honor another’s expertise and experience.

While deference is innate for some people, it can certainly be learned if it’s not. How to do? By being keenly aware of others, and demonstrating that mindful consideration towards them. For instance:

• Whilst meeting and greeting, stand up to shake hands. If you can, walk around your desk or table to do so; at the very least give a half stand for your handshake.

• When you see someone in a public space who could use a seat more than you, offer that person yours. If in receipt of this gesture, acknowledge with a smile and a thank you.

• As you’re walking into a building and others are close behind, hold that door open for them especially if they’re compromised. Be sure to recognize this extended courtesy extended with your appreciation.

• Hold your eye contact when others are speaking to you.

• Wait until everyone is out of the elevator before you step into it. And, hold the elevator door open for others as they’re entering; move aside for them to enter, as appropriate. Recognize this courtesy with gratitude.

• In a setting in which you may be new to, or know that another person has vast knowledge and/or mastery in a specific area, politely yield to them.

“Deference is the most complicate, the most indirect, and the most elegant of all compliments.” – William Shenstone